yesterday was a good day. you know the feeling you get when the weather begins to change from nasty and cold to beautiful and lovely? it’s the time of year when you pull out flip-flops and tuck away the winter sweaters. the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming — my heart is bursting with happiness.

that is how my wonderful day began. i woke up earlier than normal so that i could sit on my couch and watch the news while i ate my cereal. a leisurely breakfast, indeed! most days i settle for a protein shake or whatever fruit i have in the fridge, but not this day. on this beautiful spring morning i pulled out all the stops and had a nice bowl of freshly-poured wheaties. i left for the bus stop feeling alive and ready for the day to begin. i was happy while i waited for the bus. i was happy as i walked from the bus to the metro. i was happy enjoying my spring-induced happiness. i floated through the day as if i’d just finished an entire box of chocolates only to discover there was another box waiting for me at the bottom.

when i left work it was too beautiful outside to waste the remaining daylight under ground so i decided i would walk to the next metro stop. a lovely idea! i have driven the distance many times and although it was close to a mile, i knew it would be an enjoyable walk. halfway though i ducked into a local organic market and bought myself a slice of fresh pizza. pizza! organic pizza! can the day get much better? it can!

once on the metro i happily read my new book and thought that it was a lovely day for a manicure. so i took the metro over to the pentagon city mall and had my nails done. beautiful nails! organic pizza! i am the luckiest person alive!

i walked to the bus stop oozing with love for this day, just drunken with happiness. i kept thinking to myself that this was quite possibly the most beautiful tuesday i have ever experienced. i looked at the bus schedule – ten minutes until the next bus. perfect! i will sit here on this lovely bench and read my book!

after sitting for a minute or so i pause – what am i sitting on that is wet? i stand up and turn around to discover that someone has smeared an entire package of ketchup all over the bench. this is not a spot of ketchup, it had been carefully spread across the wooden plank to increase the surface area of the goopey mess. and now? now i have ketchup butt. i have ketchup butt at the end of my perfect, happy, exclamation-point-filled day.

i stood there waiting for the bus (with my back against the wall, of course) thinking that next time i have a fabulous day i will pretend not to notice. i will not tempt fate. i will put down a newspaper before i sit on a bench.

MY VERY FIRST ATTEMPT AT DRIVING TO WORK:

because the bus had been so challenging/confusing/cold/awful i was really looking forward to driving to work on saturday morning. i was excited to skip the whole “waiting for the bus in the snow” bit and listen to music i like instead of the sick guy next to me on the metro cough. i had a printed copy of mapquest directions, an atlas, a book of detailed maps of the district, and an accordion map of virginia/maryland/dc. i woke up promptly, packed a lunch and left an hour early to be safe. i was ready to take on the city.

well. it took all of ten minutes to get lost. i got off at the pentagon exit and was looking for the “N parking” but could only find the “S parking” exit. who knew there were separate exits? well, there are. and if you take the wrong one you will be caught circling the pentagon for 20 minutes trying to figure out how to get out of the parking lot. i decided to turn around and go back the direction i came in. and then as i passed a cop car, the same car i’d driven by half a dozen times, i realized i was going the wrong way – on a one-way street.

a little “blip-blip” and i stopped dead in my tracks as he pulled up next to me. luckily my driver’s seat was covered in maps and the officer could tell i was on the verge of tears. he asked me where i was trying to go. i explained i was trying to go north, i got off on the wrong exit blah blah blah. he gave me brief directions and noticed i was not understanging a word he was saying and told me to follow him. (is this story starting to sound familiar?) i followed him through a tunnel and under a bridge and he waved as he pointed to the freeway entrance.

ten minutes later? i’m lost again. but now i’m in the city. why they need round-abouts all over the place, and why mapquest thinks it’s unnecessary to indicate which turn to take is beyond me. at this point i’m crying and so far off track that i call my sister to mapquest the street i’m on so i can figure out where i am. and then? “BLIP-BLIP!” yes. another cop car wanting to speak to the blonde wreck driving the utah-plated car. i roll down my window, hang up my phone and look up at the officer.

“you were talking on your cell phone ma’am,” he announced. profound, no?

“yes, i’m sorry. i’m completely lost”

“you know that it’s against the law to talk on a cell phone while driving in the district.”

“i didn’t. i just moved here.” at this point i’m bawling. i have all three maps open and the mapquest directions in my lap. i set the rumpled pages on the passenger seat and grabbed the accordion map off my windshield, attempt to refold it and finally settle on stuffing it into my glove box, while i sobbed.

“do really think you can focus on driving while reading two maps and talking on your cell phone?”

“but i’m LOST.” i think i hiccuped here. i had mascara running down my face and under my chin. so very pathetic. and that was when the officer told me to have a nice day, to be safe, to look into purchasing a hands-free device for my cell phone, and that i certainly shouldn’t be driving around at night until i knew where i’m going.

this day is now known as the SECOND time i dodged two tickets in one day.

the next day i purchased a GPS system for my car and since then my happiness has improved exponentially.

while riding the metro on my way home from work tonight we came to a sudden stop and did not budge for over an hour. eh -  more like an hour and a half.

this 90ish minute delay wouldn’t have been too bad, had i been in the company of other book-carrying folk. here is the breakdown of the people sharing my train car with me:

• a tour group of 20 foreigners pushing to look out the windows at the cement walls surrounding us and nervously chattering in their native tongue about, i assume, whether or not they would ever see the light of day again
• a couple making out the row behind me
• the dude in the corner who decided this was the perfect time and place to test out each and every ringer option on his cell phone

i just recently learned that the zip code on all of my “i’ve moved” announcements is wrong.

nice work, eh?